I do not eat Mrs. Butterworth's syrup. I also have not coughed in front of my mother in roughly twenty-five years. These things are closely related. How so? The Recipe.
The Recipe was devised by some sadistic ancestor looking to cure a cough. Supposedly. It is possible they were just trying to terrorize family members, or medically justify alcoholism. We'll never know. But my mother always kept The Recipe on hand, and if you were dumb enough to cough in the house you soon found yourself leaning over the sink, clutching a dose of the Recipe and gagging. The Recipe was administered in a shot glass, and stored in a glass Mrs. Butterworth's bottle.
Last year, in a fit of nostalgia--or, in retrospect, possibly early pregnancy psychosis--I whipped up a batch of The Recipe. I gave most of it to a friend for her three children, because she deserves to live in a peacefully cough-free household. I kept a little in my fridge for entertainment purposes. Actually, now that I think about it, I don't know that I have coughed since it took up its residency...
The Recipe
1/2 pint Jack Daniels black label
1 pound honey
2 ounces glycerine (so help me, I did not know this was ingestible)
4 heaping teaspoons yellowroot
Yellowroot is more commonly known these days as Goldenseal. "Yellow powdered ass" is also accurate, though less market friendly. You will probably have to go to your local hippie store to find it, and it is kind of expensive for novelty ass powder. But it supposedly has actual therapeutic powers, like breaking up congestion. Possibly via the induction of convulsive gagging. But still, decongestive.
I cannot imagine it mattering what order you combine the ingredients; the honey and glycerine repel the powder, making a repellent swirl, an the Jack gives it a nice brown tinge and vomitous smell. The yellowroot won't dissolve, so just stir until the yellowy froth and smell overwhelm you, then slap it in an airtight jar. Preferably not an anthropomorphic, vaguely racist, possibly alive-when-you-are-not-looking ladybottle.
You know you want some.The Recipe was devised by some sadistic ancestor looking to cure a cough. Supposedly. It is possible they were just trying to terrorize family members, or medically justify alcoholism. We'll never know. But my mother always kept The Recipe on hand, and if you were dumb enough to cough in the house you soon found yourself leaning over the sink, clutching a dose of the Recipe and gagging. The Recipe was administered in a shot glass, and stored in a glass Mrs. Butterworth's bottle.
Last year, in a fit of nostalgia--or, in retrospect, possibly early pregnancy psychosis--I whipped up a batch of The Recipe. I gave most of it to a friend for her three children, because she deserves to live in a peacefully cough-free household. I kept a little in my fridge for entertainment purposes. Actually, now that I think about it, I don't know that I have coughed since it took up its residency...
The Recipe
1/2 pint Jack Daniels black label
1 pound honey
2 ounces glycerine (so help me, I did not know this was ingestible)
4 heaping teaspoons yellowroot
Yellowroot is more commonly known these days as Goldenseal. "Yellow powdered ass" is also accurate, though less market friendly. You will probably have to go to your local hippie store to find it, and it is kind of expensive for novelty ass powder. But it supposedly has actual therapeutic powers, like breaking up congestion. Possibly via the induction of convulsive gagging. But still, decongestive.
I cannot imagine it mattering what order you combine the ingredients; the honey and glycerine repel the powder, making a repellent swirl, an the Jack gives it a nice brown tinge and vomitous smell. The yellowroot won't dissolve, so just stir until the yellowy froth and smell overwhelm you, then slap it in an airtight jar. Preferably not an anthropomorphic, vaguely racist, possibly alive-when-you-are-not-looking ladybottle.
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